The Proverbs 31 Journey: Family Fragrance of Respect

Scripture meditation/memory verse: And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds...~Hebrews 10:24 (NIV).

We continue our Proverbs 31 Journey!! Last week we talked about the sweet aroma of affection as addressed by "Family Fragrance: Practical, Intentional Ways to Fill Your home with the Aroma of Love" written by J. Otis and Gail Ledbetter. Remember the acostic for AROMA?
Affection
Respect
Order
Merriment
Affirmation

You were challenged last week to incorporate some of the guidelines of affection given by the authors. If anything, I hope that you were encouraged to be more affectionate towards those you love. I can't be the only one who has unlovable days in our house-right?!?!? This week we address thr "R" of aroma=RESPECT since the book re-view I have been selected to do has been delayed a few weeks.

As I write this series we have entered into the season of Lent. I know that normally for Lent you give up something for Christ but I felt encouraged to try and deliberately act out this sweet aroma...be it affection, respect, order, merriment or affirmation instead of giving up something. My motive for doing this was to do it in the name of Christ and in honor of this season of honoring the journey He took to Calvary on our behalf. It's not about doing something that comes natural...its about doing something others would not necessary expect...but that Christ would be pleased with.

This weeks subject is a tough one in our home....RESPECT. Our authors define respect as "holding the other people in honor so they may recognize their own true worth". There has been plenty of pain, rejection, distrust & disappointments in our home. Devorice will do that. That is what satan wants when he destroys a families unity. RESPECT is one of the first things to leave the home.

"But the family fragrance is never more pleasant when each family member understands each others true worth. Each child contributes a personal ingredient that makes up the atmosphere of the home. If that unique value is doubted, or worse, stripped away, the entire family suffers."

A childs personal view of respect is tender and easily tampered with. Think of the child that comes home after being teased or degraded at school...the teenager who feels their space has been invaded when another sibling is wearing something that belongs to them and no one asked the other for permission to wear that item...or the parent who talks down or uses name-calling (ie: idiot, stupid, etc) about someone in leadership whose actions they do not agree with in front of the children...all issues where respect is destroyed.

Our authors then point out a concept that some parent seem to miss:

"Showing respect for children not only helps them develop manners and a habit of courtesy, it inhibits destructive self-criticism, and will result in respect given back to peers, parents or other....a parent can't expect to harvest respect until respect is first planted, practiced and nurtured in the home. When you make an effort to respect your children, your children will make the effort to respect other."

Planted...practiced...nurtured...our home is a playing field in which we can model respect in those situations we support and in those situations that try us. For example...

Sarah's school exam comes back with a poor grade...how do I respond? Am I immediately critical or do I respond with questions such as "did you do your best?" and if so then respond with postivie remarks that say "I am proud of you just the same"?

RESPECT.

He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty,
And he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city. ~ Prov. 16:32 (NKJV)

If Libby is wearing Emma's boots that she intended to wear on that same day, do I scream for Libby to take them off or do I encourage the two siblings to talk through their feelings and the proper outcome?

RESPECT.

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another. ~ Eph 5:21 (The Message)

The president promotes something we don't agree with? Do we verbally degrade him, call him names in front of the children or do we openly discuss the issue and explore the positive and negatives?

RESPECT.

Don't pick on people, jump on their failures, criticize their faults— unless, of course, you want the same treatment. Don't condemn those who are down; that hardness can boomerang. Be easy on people; you'll find life a lot easier. Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity." ~ Luke 6:37-38 (The Message)

Our children learn by what we give them. Our authors stated to intentionally impact our children our goal should be to inplant these two things: "to produce in our children respect for the balance of lifes up and downs" and "to produce in our children respect for other people and property by showing respect for them and their property". Sounds easy but we know in reality, it can be a hard subject to address!

Here are this weeks guidelines for us to concentrate on:

1. Be generous with family honor in life's up and downs. When a child is entitled to honor or has earned it, the fact should not be overlooked. (ie: share it at the dinner table, hang the report card on the refrigerator!)
2. Build up people around you, even those you disagree with.
3. Confront your childs self-criticism with positive input-self criticism is different than self-evaluation. The first tears down, the second looks to build up.
4. Respect your childs privacy. Give them a place in your home that is solely theirs. Don't invade it without their permission.
5. Don't allow the fragrance of your home to be polluted with profanity (this would include TV shows).
6. Be a parent of second changes. Forgive.
   

I especially like #6....be a parent of second chances. Maybe that is because I serve a God of second chances. I have needed plenty of those myself! A God of mercy and meekness...a mother of mercy and meekness?

"Second chances show that a parent has enough confidence in a child's character to trust he will see a task or situation through to a resolution. An unforgiving parent will impede the child's learning processes."

I know there is a fine line in this when a child makes a poor choice and discipline is involved. But respect should not be lost even in discipline. If Gods intentions for us is only that which would build us up, to prosper us, should we also make it our aim to do the same for our children, especially when they have crossed that line? Are we not to model the attitude of Christ in our home?

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. " ~ Jeremiah 29:11

We have to be intentional to change our home atmosphere if we have failed in this. Plant...Practice...Nuture...RESPECT. It starts with us, with our attitude, with our actions. Maybe your home is strong in this area but there are plenty of homes that fall short. Be especially attentive to this subject this week.

May your week be fragrant with the aroma of RESPECT!

Believing Him~Pamela