What Happens When Women Walk in Faith Blog Bible Study

If you have come over from our host Lelia's site for this Bible study, you know we are venturing into chapters 16 & 17 of this wonderful book. I read these chapters a few weeks ago and as I sit here and review what I had highlighted, I am humbled in how relevant these words are for my moment, my pain today. I have quoted Lysa from her book in dark pink.


Chapter 16: God's Portion, Position, and Promise
I have had to struggle with one of my daughters and her father this week. I will never understand why parents when they divorce cannot keep their kids consideration in all circumstances priority. As I have set boundaries and rules for my 14 year old who boarders on making wrong decision, her father likes to interfere with giving her freedom, while bashing me as a mother. In 2004 when I divorced him we went through a rough situation, I made poor choices and yet I was led back to the shadow of the cross with the assistance of my friend Shelby. In a pit of despair, humiliation, and grief, I found grace and forgiveness from a God I had known all my life.

"Whenever I'm feeling weak, unable, or inadequate, I ask God to be my portion and fill in my gaps."

In these past few days I have been crying out for peace from my God as I have had to relive that painful time. My daughter has thrown back the accusations of my part resulting in the divorce and even untruths involving it all which she keeps getting from her father. All because I chose to stand up for her and say no to activities I felt were unsafe for her. Her frustration combined with our angry responses gives her a reason to be with her father instead and so the battle begins. Her father does not have an environment that promotes God and the values we hope to instill in our kids. Her father, like others, refuse to believe that God could grant us grace and and forgive my sins and therefore I must always pay the price. Somehow the results that lead to our divorce has become one sided.

""God not only wants us to rely on Him for our daily portion but He also demands we keep first place in our lives reserved for Him".

In situations like these, it's hard to keep your focus. We have worked hard to keep communication open between our families and watch how we talk about the other parent, even when they angered us or we disagreed with them. The effects on the kids when you don't literally tear them apart and confuse them. As I walked through these last few days, reliving that event and the accusation that I am a fake and could never have a testimony for the God I have clinged to, I have wanted to scream and run for the hills and leave it all. Leave it all, including this faith. Am I fooling myself? Has these last few years just been a disguise of satan and not Christ working in and through me?

"God allows the heating and the pounding, the abrasive rubs and polishing in my life for a reason. They are purifying and smoothing me so I will reflect Him."

It's been God in my life and not satan. Forgive me Lord for thinking anything else. Satan is hard at keeping me from completing this phase of death within my faith walk. Once he thought he had me because of my poor choices, my mistakes, and yet I gave them to God and He is turning it around. I have to proceed on and rest secure that God will protect my daughter, our daughters, from the untruth they are force to confront.

"Opening night is on it's way"

Yes, it is...I am ready for the resurrection phase of my faith walk.

Chapter 17: God's Dream, God's way

Though I have experienced great pain and fear these last few day, I have clung to the promise verse I received at She Speaks from Deuteronomy 33:12 "Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders."

I am secure in God. No matter how many hard words and accusations come my way, I must remain truthful and I must keep my children, our children's thoughts and feelings in line to our reactions in all this.

"Remembering the death phase keeps us humble and keenly aware that the resurrection has nothing to do with us."

This has been a humbling experience. Last night we sat the girls down for a family meeting to again confront what is true and what has been untrue in our lives. We again asked their forgiveness for any pain we have inflicted on them and even continue to inflict. We then told them they could choose at this point to forgive us, they could chose to make this family work, they could chose to love us but they had to chose this. We were not going to force them in any of this. We also again reminded them that they are encouraged to love both parents and to be involved with both parents but we would also do all we could to protect them when we sense something was not safe or good for them. We also share how our relationship with God has really grown since we, Joe and I, came together and it is only because of what we have gone through and the brokenness we have been able to overcome. We promised to live Christ out in our lives even if they chose not to have Him as part of theirs. We will not give up on God capturing their hearts like He has captured ours.

"God's dream must be experienced God's way. If you settle for anything else, you'll never be satisfied."

I will delight in in my God...despite it all. I will stand strong but I continue to seek your prayers. though I still choose to leave part of my testimony unveiled, I cannot survive without your cherished support.

In Him~Pamela

Tonight on the way home from a birthday dinner we had for the boyfriend of one of Joe's girls I heard a song from a country singer-I think his name is Kenny Fowler. It said "best mistake I ever made...God works in mysterious way"...how fitting this is tonight. God's work with our past mistakes truly amazes me. Thank you Jesus.