Train-Wrecked

Have you ever hit a down point in your life, felt so low, so lost, so alone, and so absolutely devastated? Have you ever felt that it could never get better, be resolved, or find healing? Have you ever felt as if you couldn't endure any more pain? That's what we, my husband and I, call "train-wrecked". Some may prefer to reference it as "ship-wrecked" or "in a pit" but it is all the same. Something you did or that someone did to you destroys any sense of worth or integrity you once held on to and like Joseph with his coat of many colors, you suddenly find yourself rejected, betrayed, and alone. It's a cold dark world, very lonely, and extremely painful.

When my husband and I joined our church 5 years ago we soon began leading a Sunday school class for adults. We found that everyone had a story of grace in that class. Some had been through divorce, some had experienced adultery. Some had lost children, others had children who were traveling down some pretty scary paths. Some had experienced drug and alcohol addiction prior to meeting God. Our stories depicted sin at its finest but we all had found that God's grace card trumped it all.

Jokingly one Sunday my husband referred to the class as the train-wrecked class. No one was offended. The name stuck and now there is a plate above the classroom door signifying this title. Train-wrecked...ruined...devastated...but not defeated thanks to the work of the Holy spirit in our lives. But it doesn't always work out that way for everyone does it?

Without the power of God's spirit in our life that sin or devastation can destroy you and literally take your life from you. It's hard to "keep up your courage...and have faith in God" as Paul wrote in Acts 27:25. Shock, disbelief, and the pain often blurs our vision to see God at work around us and blocks the ears of our heart from hearing His still small voice through those around us, from a song on the radio, or the words of another.

Having recently lived through another "train-wreck", I found myself in turmoil over what I knew I needed to do (and didn't have the strength to do) and what I emotionally wanted to do. My saving grace wasn't found in my church or the people around me, partially because I didn't reach out until I had had time to process it. I was humilitation so, instead, I buried myself in scripture. I pleaded for His truth and His light to guide me-not away from it-but to Him (Ps. 43:3).

Being so fresh from this recent "train-wreck", I have to say I would prefer not to have any more in my life time, but, the refining process does me good. Did I really say that? Lord have mercy, that's not an invitation for more! Yet, this peace and comfort I have today, that I finally grasped in a tearful fit, is because God answered my prayer to cover me with His Spirit.

James said in chapter 3, verse 4: "Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go".

When you think about the steering of a train or a ship it really is amazing how it gets around. When we are steered by God, covered by His Spirit, it is just as amazing if not more. And that was my prayer, even in my short-lived bitterness. I want Him to steer me not the "train wreck"!

We have had to close some doors in ministry for a period of time. I am already sensing why and where God is leading us, leading me. Though it is painful to "let go", my heart is excited for what lies ahead.

We did not have the support we should have had with this last "train-wreck". No 9-1-1 calls went out from our church family though they should have. In my humiliation I did e-mail some friend who lived afar for support. God knows how much I appreciated their words of support and prayers. The salve that was put on our wounds came after the infection of bitterness had set in. However, healing is taking over. God is taking over.

As I sat in our church pews this past weekend and felt the pain of these last two months, I noticed the tears in another ladies eyes on the other side of the sanctuary. A new face in our service to me. Why haven't I paid more attention to the people who sit in the pews? Then after my tearful fit that Sunday night (which started from watching a video set to Christian music showing the Gethsemane garden where Jesus prayed before His devastation and the tomb where Christ was buried and rose again) this prayer came to my heart...

"Father, help me to be to others what we needed during this difficult time".

The thought has come to me that maybe my eyes have been open to the "pain" of others such as what I saw in the pews. I have been selfish as I think back to the many Sundays at church I had been to busy to notice. Maybe? Right? Well, I plan to continue to pray this. My husband is praying this with me. We cannot lose faith...others need to be reached out to.

Timothy, my son, I give you this instruction in keeping with the prophecies once made about you, so that by following them you may fight the good fight, holding on to faith and a good conscience. Some have rejected these and so have shipwrecked their faith. Among them are Hymenaeus and Alexander, whom I have handed over to Satan to be taught not to blaspheme. ~ 1 Tim 1: 18-20

The refiners firer is good. It saved me from ship-wrecking my faith. His Word has been my healing and has saved me.

He sends forth His word and heals them and rescues them from the pit and destruction. ~Ps 107: 20 (Amplified)

His Maidservant~Pamela

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