For my daughter Emma...

I don't know how to even start this letter to you Emma, I struggle to find the words that are qualified to speak my heart.  I know I could start with...

I blew it...

I really messed it up...

I tried and failed miserably...

You and I know how true those words are. But these words resound even louder from my heart...

I'm sorry...

I love you more than what these words can imply on this screen...

I will never stop believing in you...

As you end your journey of childhood and enter adulthood, I could also leave you thoughts from my broken but redeemed heart. Somewhere in my mess there is a message for you. Such as.....

Life is hard and it will get harder...you will only succeed by holding onto God... 

“Let the beloved of the Lord rest secure in him,
    for he shields him all day long, and the one the Lord loves rests between his shoulders. ”
~ Deut. 33:12

Mistakes come easy, forgiveness is hard but the freedom from forgiving is far easier to live with than the bitterness of unforgiveness. We hurt ourself more when we hurt others. Healing starts in forgiving yourself so you can forgive others...

All bitterness, anger and wrath, shouting and slander must be removed from you, along with all malice. And be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. ~ Eph 4:32 (HCSB)

We were created for more and you will find that more when you give of yourself to others...

 Give away your life; you'll find life given back, but not merely given back—given back with bonus and blessing. Giving, not getting, is the way. Generosity begets generosity."~ Luke 6:38 (Message)

Scars from our past can be made beautiful but not by anything that we do but what God does in and through our life...

 I waited patiently for the Lord;
    he turned to me and heard my cry.

He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
    out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
    and gave me a firm place to stand.

He put a new song in my mouth,
    a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him. 
~ Ps. 40-1-3 (NIV)

Joy is not found in self-gratification but rather in self-denial. Putting the needs of others before your own will fill your life with contentment...

And most importantly...

Nothing you do is too great to be forgiven.

Your mother learned many of life's lessons the hard way and you seem to be falling into those footsteps. but what choose to give you andwhat I wish I would have done differently in my own life  would be this...

I wouldn't walk a day without first walking it with God and being in His Word.

Every decision in life will affect you-either for the good or the bad. Our choices make us who we are. As ugly as it can get, and it was at times for me, there is peace,there is joy and there is healing from brokenness and poor choices in life. My own unhappiness and bitterness has been replaced with these things: joy, peace and healing when I  searched for God and grew in my knowing and believing of Him. When all else was chaos around me, I could pull a piece of scripture to meditate on and move forward without anxiety, pain or fear.

I have learned you can't do life without God and succeed.

I can look back on my life with so many regrets but my biggest regret is that I did not live each day for God. I know some of my decision could not be a part of His plan for my life but they have shaped me for His ultimate plan. I don't want you to be sitting at a laptop at the age of 49 saying those same words. 

As your mother I have wanted so much more for you. I had a plan for your life and wanted the best for you and from you. You choose a different path than my plan and I have come to accept that this path is part of God's bigger and better plan for you. Everything up to this point has happened for a reason. Find that reason...find His purpose for your life!

Let the mess of my life be a message to you to consider what God wants from you in life. Allow Him to turn your own choices into a message that will blow this world away with who you really are...

"The King is enthralled by your beauty. Honor Him for He is your Lord." Ps 45: 11

I love you Emma and I can't wait to see what God is going to do in and through you! ~Mom