From Chaos to Calm

I discovered a great on-line devotional series starting up on Jan 3 "From Chaos to Calm; 15 weeks to a happy home" by Melissa Ringstaff hosted by A Virtuous Women ministry. I know I am starting this self-study I am calling the Proverbs 31 Journey in 2011 but after the chaotic year I have just had and satans attach on my family, this looks really good to add in with my own personal study. Here's a little teaser from the website....

If you have been struggling with your home, your marriage, your children, or just life in general this might be the answer you have been waiting for! We will spend 15 weeks working toward a goal for:

- peace in the heart
- peace in the home
- peace with our husbands
- peace with our children

“Then they cry unto the LORD in their trouble, and he bringeth them out of their distresses. He maketh the storm a calm, so that the waves thereof are still. Then are they glad because they be quiet; so he bringeth them unto their desired haven.” Psalm 107:28 - 30

If that has watered your appetite, click on the book icon and check this 15 week study out! See you there!!!

Believing Him~Pamela

God's Calling for 2011

Its been one of those months where God has been speaking so clearly. The clearer He speaks, the harder it seems to gets though. I know this is part of the refining process but it is really burning (if you get my drift).

This is the time of year where I start asking God to reveal what it is He wants me to work on in the new year. He has revealed some pretty amazing scripture which has lead me to His desire for me in 2011. I have to admit that I did look a little harder, hoping I might be wrong...hoping He would let me choose another card to play. Nope...no other cards. So, with a soft groan but willing heart, I submit to this assignment. He knows I would much rather run away and hide from it!

This last year satan has attacked our family in a mighty way. It has been very painful and a dark shadow of that pain continues to follow us into the new year. One of the things we have incorporated into our house rules came from Lysa Terkeurst family rules she posted a while back on one of her blogs. It fits well into our family who seems to want to tear each other down rather then bond and unite. The rule? If it isn't "true, necessary, or kind" then it does not need to be said. We continue to work on this one and they will roll their eyes if I say those words but it holds so much value. God's calling of me in this new year of 2011 matches this. Hang with me, I will get there.

Our inability to get it right as a blended family and apparent inability to correct it has been a thorn in my side. God has led me to read 1 & 2 Thessalonians. I keep being drawn to it in my quiet time and the other day, I again read in 1 Thess chapter two but this time verses 11 & 12 really stood out. I heard God say to my heart "this is what I need from you towards your family in this new year and beyond"...

As you know, like a father with his own children, we encouraged, comforted, and implored each one of you to walk worthy of God, who calls you into His own kingdom and glory.(Holman Christian Standard Bible)

Reading this was painful as I had to admit my failures as a wife and mother...when I personally have not walked worthy of God...like the number of times I have hibernated to my room to avoid the girls nonsense or "drama"...the times I have been too busy and missed a statement that implied someone was hurting...or the words that came out of my mouth that sent the message to the person I was addressing that they were not good enough in my eyes for that circumstance...just to shamefully name a few.

As much as I would rather make "mother of the year" or be a model for the Proverbs 31 wife, I can honestly say I would not even be fit to be considered for either. I have allowed that shadow, that event, to pull me away from my family when they needed me most.

You know that we treated each of you as a father treats his own children. We encouraged you, we urged you, and we insisted that you live good lives for God, who calls you to his glorious kingdom. (New Century Version)

God has made it very clear what I need to do, but satan is not playing fair. When has he ever? So how am I going to be able to encourage, stimulate and charge my family and myself towards a life worthy of God? Me? Seriously....the worst of sinners, so unworthy...

For you know how, as a father [dealing with] his children, we used to exhort each of you personally, stimulating and encouraging and charging you.To live lives worthy of God, Who calls you into His own kingdom and the glorious blessedness [into which true believers will enter after Christ's return]. (Amplified Version)

What I have going for me is that God is on my side. He carried me through last year, He will stand beside me as my protective shade in 2011 (Ps 121:5). I will arm myself by memorizing scripture in the new year that will strengthen and shield me as His servant and as a wife and as a mother. As I have sought Him out about this task before me, He keeps leading me to Proverbs 31. You know, the women who we dream of becoming yet the women who ignites a fear of failure for not being able to be her. I am not unfamiliar with these passages and have studied them before but this time I am gong to make it a year long quest. I'm calling this the " Proverbs 31 Journey".

I am called by God in this pursuit of a Godly excellence...by living intentionally, by fearing God, respecting Him, and trusting Him. A Godly excellence that will compliment my husband and allow me to lead our girls, my marriage, and myself to live a life worthy of God. Not only do I do that by demonstrating His own influence in my own life, I teach it to them with my words, my actions, my love. God's divine power will make it all possible.

You know that we treated each of you as a father treats his own children. We gave you hope and strength. We comforted you. We really wanted you to live in a way that is worthy of God. He chooses you to enter his glorious kingdom.(NIRV)

I know every mother feels like a failure from time to time...I can't decide if I'm fighting mad or just wore out with the drama satan has caused in my home. Whatever it is, this mama is on a "Proverbs 31 Journey" by starting with a little less of me (who am I kidding-a lot less of me) and a whole lot more of God while working on meeting the needs of the girls and my husband. I'm disappointed in myself and the way I have reacted or not acted this past year. Seven years and the youngest is gone...I have to change, I want to change.

There are a variety of virtues presented in proverbs 31: 10-31. I plan to take and study one virtue per month. I plan to memorize a verse a week related to this virtue and I hope to write here at least monthly on each virtue...the Proverbs 31 Journey. I plan to start on the virtue of reverencing God.

"As women, our lives must be filled, first and foremost, with Jesus Christ. then and only then can Christ's love spill over first to our husbands, second to our children, then to our homes, our friends, our community, and the world." Sharon Jaynes, Seven Life Principles for Every Women (Jaynes & Terkeurst, 2001)

I want to become a women so filled with Christ that His Grace and love flows onto those around me. Oh that I would inspire them to Jesus.

I am being "sent to strengthen [my husband and children], to encourage [then] in [their] faith, and to keep [them] from being shaken by the troubles [they will] go through (1 Thes 3:2&3). I can do this with God on my side-nothing is too hard for Him (Jeremiah 32:17) .

What is God calling you to in the new year?

Believing Him~Pamela

What Kind of Weight does it Carry in Eternity?

Seriously...where did this year go? Personally, I am really glad it is almost over. It has been a rough year and I am starting into this new year of 2011 with a dark shadow of a cloud surrounding me. I don't want it but it seems to be lingering and it appears God's timing for it to dissipate is not yet. I will tolerate it...is that the wrong attitude? If I embrace it I may find myself in a deep depression. I am praying hard that it is going to get better. My faith that God is in control is my hope for a better 2011.

Anyway, this is the time of year when I start planning, searching, praying, and creating a spiritual goal for the new year. Part of that process is reviewing the past years spiritual goal and evaluating how I did (that's the educator part of me...evaluating everything). I went here to do that. Though there has been a lot of pain in this 2010 year, my heart smiled as I read through the God-planted goal of my soul in the beginning of 2010.

I feel I did good on my goal of being faithful, however, maybe not so good with the praise goal. As darkness filled my life this past year, I was faithful to cling to my scripture memory cards, faithful to my quiet time with God, and faithful in our women's ministry. If I had not been faithful in these areas I would have been in a horrible depression. A darkness may surround me but it is not getting into my inner being. Maybe if I had been more faithful in my goal of praising Him this darkness would be gone. These last couple of months I have been singing that beloved hymn "How Great Thou Art" as I begin my morning drive to work. It's a great way to set the tone of my heart as I head into a job that hasn't matched up to my expectations.

I am asking God what He needs from me in this new year. I will continue to memorize scripture. I am thinking about beefing it up to one verse a week from one verse every two weeks or 15 days. Memorizing scripture has become the oxygen my heart and soul needs to survive. Recently I came across a verse that grab me so tight and should encourage us all as we look ahead to 2011:

May the Lord lead your hearts into a full understanding and expression of the love of God and the patient endurance that comes from Christ. ~2 Thes 3:5 (New Living Translation)

A "full understanding"....that's what I want. It's what we all want, right? We know Him, We know of Him, but to know Him more...better...fuller. To know Him is to be able to grasp, truly grasp His love for us, for the worst of sinners (of which I am one), saved, and redeemed through His sons blood...because of love, God's love. From a manger to a cross...I want to love like that...to love my family like God loves me. Honestly, I am not being the wife and mother I need to be. God has laid this thought on my heart and this verse has prompted me towards changing that.As I look back over the frustrations and delights of this past year, I am sadly reminded of the many times that I was selfish. I missed radiating God's love as I chose not to be prompted by it in those moments. To know Him is to live Him, to live out His love. I want to do that in this new year.

But we cannot leave out the last part of that verse..."the patient endurance that comes from Christ". I know better than to pray for patience. If you have ever prayed for this you know the struggle that can result in one's life! Yet, I implore you to think of the patient life Christ lived and then imagine what God patiently goes through with us (probably a daily basis if we are honest here). His patience is best described as an active verb participle (did I say that right?). I mean to describe it this way...it is an action demonstrated by Christ life and spelled "G-R-A-C-E".

I guess as I look ahead into 2011, to know the fullness of God's love requires me to also examine the patient endurance modeled by his Son while here on this earth. It requires a worthy reflection and meditation on my part throughout this new year, and maybe on your part also. I may be surrounded by a dark cloud as I walk into 2011 but as with 2010, God is with me. He has a plan.

I was so encouraged as I continued to research this verse and found this translation from the New International Readers Version:

May the Lord fill your hearts with God's love.

May Christ give you the strength to go on.

Hello! Better than chocolate (or coffee in my case) and just what this pre-menopausal women needed to guard against that looming darkness. This new year is God asking you to focus even more fully on Him and His Son?

More of Him, less of me.

The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. ~ Ps 28:7 (NLT)

I challenge you to examine your heart and seek God in what He wants of you in 2011. New Year resolutions often fail, right? Since I have given these past "New Years" a spiritual focus verses a resolution focus I have only grown stronger in my faith. It's been pretty amazing. What it all comes down to with these goals we set...losing weight, eating better, committing to a new task like memorizing scripture....is that you have to ask yourself "what kind of weight does it carry in eternity?"-right?

I am embracing 2011 and all that God has planned for me. I continue to seek his plan for me and I so desire to be a better servant for Him, as well as a better wife and mother. I have God on my side and His Word in my heart and mind.

Again I ask...what is God calling you to in 2011?

Believing Him~Pamela

That was then...this is now...

Last night I was channel-surfing to avoid all the election broadcast (yes I voted but I am good to wait until the morning for the results). I landed on the show "The Walton's". Remember that show? Can you hum the tune?

Just looking at this house gives me such a warm feeling of a peace most of us don't experience today and a comfort that has been lost with the innovation of our civilization. This TV series represents how it is suppose to be, and how I want my home to be. This structure represents "home" for me, a time though simpler and maybe more difficult, so full of family.

Last nights episode took me back to a childhood that was similar to these lives...godly parents, discipline, values, rules, responsibility, and family togetherness. One of my grandparents had a farmhouse that was similar to this one. I could smell the home-grown food cooking in the kitchen, the smell of that fresh country air, and I could feel the absence of today's busyness and related anxieties. So many emotions flooded over me that the end of the show actually left tears in my eyes and an ache in my heart.

The kids fought each other but they loved each other more...

They disobeyed their parents but they also respectfully submitted to their punishment (which last night Ellen got caught smoking in the shed with her male cousin and had to memorize 10 Bible verses before supper!)....

There was no back talk (that would have cost her another 5 verses!)....

They sacrificed for each other...

They ate together...listened to the radio together...did chores together...

For the most part they were content with what they had or what they earned...

They respected each other, they respected themselves, and they respected their bodies...

Most importantly, God was a vital part of their life, He was expected to be.

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the LORD swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.~Deut 11:18-21

Grief...what has happen to America? Could it be.....

I mean seriously.....is this what over 50% of our families have come into (mine included)? I am afraid I have watched a few episodes in this series too and found it amusing and humorous until I decided to look at it as God would. Is God laughing?

I am shamefully grieved at my own families failures...divorce, broken homes, loss of respect, compromised values, and a tolerance of world views has definitely invaded our life.

I am truly grieved today...grieved for what was then and what is now...wishing for "then" again...praying for those kind of days again.

I wonder if I can find the Walton's again tonight....maybe see if my girls could watch it with me..

Father God, Holy God, forgive those of us who have failed in this scared creation of yours...family.

Believing Him~Pamela

The Knots Prayer

I got this in an e-mail the other day....the timing could not be more perfect. May it grab your heart, your soul, and your mind as it did mine...

The Knots Prayer

Dear God,

please untie the knots

that are in my mind,

my heart

and my life.

Remove the have nots,

the can nots

and the do nots

that I have in my mind.

Erase the will nots,

may nots,

and might nots

that find a home in my heart.

Release me from the could nots,

would nots

and should nots

that obstruct my life.

And most of all, dear God,

I ask that you remove from my mind

my heart

and my life

all of the am nots

that I have allowed to hold me back,

especially the thought

that I am not good enough.

Amen.

~Anonymous

Believing Him~Pamela

What would others say?

From a reading in one of my quiet times ...

"If someone unfamiliar with God were to describe-from observation alone-your relationship with God, what words might he or she select?" (Intimate Conservations: Devotions to nurture a woman's soul" by Alicia Britt Chole).

Whoa...think about it. What do others see when you are walking down the market isles, driving into work on those busy highways, or sitting in that pew at your place of worship? What does your family observe at home?
Would they say God is your Master? Father? Business Partner? Coach? Santa Clause? Other?

The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe. ~Proverbs 18:10

You may have all types of christian objects surrounding you (crosses on the wall, scripture verse plaques, fish decals on a car, even Bibles lying out on a table) but do others see the difference in your life that Christ has made?

I have been looking more closely at my life as a wife, a mother, a servant of God and I do not like what I am seeing. The longer I look the more SELFISHNESS I see. I am afraid I have been an ordinary wife, an ordinary mother and an ordinary servant of God. It is easy to be ordinary...Encarta.com defines ordinary as being

"common: of a common everyday kind; unremarkable: not remarkable or special in any way, and therefore uninteresting and unimpressive; usual or customary".

Yelp...that's me...just getting by as a mother and wife. My energy is sucked out of me at the end of my work day and I am literally on empty and not able to meet their needs. My tolerance is worn thin with such little things it seems. I feel so selfish when I think back to a nothing kind of evening and what I should have been doing with the ones I love the most.

Spiritually I feel unremarkable. Daily I spend time with God in the early morning hours and I call on Him throughout my day...but nothing above and beyond is happening. I mean seriously, all these long drives to meet my parents at their home to go to the Dr's office with them and not a word from God in those times of silence. He has had the perfect opportunity to speak to me-literally-but all I seem to get these days is silence. I feel selfish when my mind can not focus on Him but instead jumps to everything else surrounding my life. I miss ministry, I miss belonging to a church family, I miss being involved.

So whats a selfish mid-life women to do? I guess I need to turn this ordinary around and become extraordinary by God's grace by a purifying of my heart and mind. I have to believe it can happen! My husband says I'm my worst critic but selfishness is a pretty ugly thing and not a characteristic found in the extraordinary woman. I pray that as I enter into this new day, into this new week, that I know in myself I will only be ordinary, and in Christ I can become extraordinary!! To be extraordinary Encarta defines us as:

"unusually excellent and deserving attention and comment because of being wonderful, strange, or shocking; additional and having a special purpose; employed for a special purpose or to do additional work; additional to and going beyond the ordinary or established scope of something."

I want to be all these things..wonderful, excellent, having a special purpose, greater, going beyond, even shocking...for God and for my family. I want others to see Christ in me, to see Him for all the things He has become...but primarily to see Him as my Master.

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you. ~Rom 12:1-2 (The Message)

What would others say about you and your relationship with God?????

His Maidservant~Pamela

Salt of the Earth....

Matthew 5:13-16 (NKLJV)
Believers Are Salt and Light

“You are the salt of the earth; but if the salt loses its flavor, how shall it be seasoned? It is then good for nothing but to be thrown out and trampled underfoot by men. “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

Four times this past week this passage has come to my attention...in my daily devotion time...in a sermon...on-line...even on facebook!! As my husband and I have have struggled through a difficult period in our ministry life and service to God, we have have been inquiring of God what we did wrong, where we made a wrong decision, vs if others were wrong. I have asked Him to be bold with His answer. I guess you can not get any bolder than having the same scripture coming to you that many times.

We are trying to embrace this period of respite but it is hard. We are doers-servers and teachers according to our spiritual gifts. I asked my husband as we read these verses in a Bible study we are doing together last night if maybe we had lost our saltiness. Have we become like the Israelites in the old testament wondering in a desert because we have not followed God fully. He agreed and stated "I feel so worthless..." and so do I.

Though our ministries appeared to be growing and seemed to be very active...had we allowed "something" into our lives to take away the salty savor that God needed in us so we could be affective for Him and not just for the ministries? This is so difficult to face even as I write these words...

Direct my footsteps according to your word; let no sin rule over me. ~ Psalm 119:133

Is it possible to loose ones saltiness while being so active in ministry? I'm afraid we have had to face that reality and humbly acknowledge the tolerance of things in this world we have allowed into our personal lives. This tolerance, big or small as it might appear from outsiders, now requires this time of respite... to re-group, to recommit and to more importantly remove any hindrance that have dulled our ability to serve God. Like the Israelites in Deuteronomy 30,we have allowed other "things" to really take priority of our lives and it seems it has become a road block for God's purposes.

Have you ever been in my shoes? Can you related? We are on a pilgrimage and we are holding on to the promises God gave to the Israelites in Deut. 30:2-3....

"...and when you and your children return to the LORD your God and obey him with all your heart and with all your soul according to everything I command you today, then the LORD your God will restore your fortunes and have compassion on you.."

Our fortune was serving in ministry and we miss it terribly. We know that when we return to Him with a full heart and soul commitment He promises restoration and compassion. We became to busy to see our feet slipping and now these two things are what we need the most right now.

One of the worst things we could have done is to not give God our all. We have never been more grieved over this along with our past failures and sins than we are today and we have never been more committed to get it right so that we can once again be salt and light in this world for His eternal proposes...not ours, not the ministries...HIS.

Holy God, restoring and compassionate Father, full of mercy and grace, embrace your servants. Allow us to rest on your shoulders during this time of respite. Allow us to grieve our mistakes and to grow from them becoming more capable of being a vessel you can use. We want to be a a man and a women after your own heart but we are weak, we lose focus, even when we think we are spiritually strong. we are nothing without You, we are everything in You. Help me to be the supportive mate my husband needs right now, to complement and build him up as he too is beat down by this. I have seen you use him and work through him and it humbled me. Do it again Lord. Do it again...for Your eternal purposes and Your glory alone.~Amen