We are closing in on the end of the semester at the college where I teach and it gets hectic. This week I have found little time to blog-hop. There have been a couple of blogs I have been obsessed to visit t/o my days. Lelia's daughter finally made her a grandmother (http://leliachealey.blogspot.com/)! Congratulations Lelia and family! Beth Moore's cherished family pet Sunny came home (http://livingproofministries.blogspot.com/)- funny how the things that mean so much can cause such drama in our life. I missed the blog-hoping this week but now see how special each of you are because of last night...
Last night while my husband watch the game in bed, sitting next to him I had the opportunity to visits some blogs. We finished a conversation about finances and I was feeling down. It had also been a rough week as a mother. Yesterday after the bickering between the younger girls and my poor reaction to it I had submitted my resignation as a mother to God as it was obviously a mistake on my part (He probably found humor in that, boy I hope). But those finances...God had really blessed us with our tax return to allow us to remodel our basement for living space. With our blended family and having downsized to this smaller home (that we so love), we need the space! But my husband had to use most of that money to make ends meet these past two months. The basement is partially done. He did state he donated a large sum of it to the church before all the other business took it over-God's money-which I am so thankful.
It became more of a stress for me though because I have been negotiating a part-time contract with the college. We had decided for financial reasons I would go back to bedside nursing and teach part-time because the college pays half of what I can make at a hospital. We had such a peace about it. It was going to allow me more time with the family and to also allow me to start my doctorate work. But this week, it all seems to be falling apart. A part-time contract is not looking favorable from the college. Insurances can't be included in the contract, and the health insurance offered through my husbands work is more than double what we have been paying. The college has also implied they will not replace my full time position within the nursing department I teach in if I go part-time or leave-the department can't afford that so another heavy weight on my shoulder.
So the peace left. The stress and weight of all these burdens replaced it. What about my plans for doctorate work? Less time working and more time at home? The college demands so much of my time compared to working 2-3 days a week at bedside nursing. More money is due for the She Speaks conference I felt God leading me to go to. Do I give that up? We have 6 kids and bills. Peace-wasn't that peace I had experienced before this week from God? Even when the meeting with the college dean did not look favorable for what I was asking, my co-worker commented on the peace I had with it. Why is it finances, poor mothering skills or work burdens can take that peace away? Why did I allow it to?
So last night in my discouragement, I went to my blog friends and quietly read your post. WHAT A BLESSING!! God guided each one of you to write your post for me. There was the post on trust (http://slywillie.blogspot.com/) ..."yes Lord, I will trust you in this. I am sorry I allowed my own heart to take over". There was the one on seeing God's will (http://nason5.blogspot.com/) ..."my spiritual glasses are on Lord but I am not seeing it yet...is there a sin in my life preventing me from seeing your will? Show me the sin Lord, please, today, so that I can know your will for our jobs...this family". There were blog posting of comfort, humor & brokenness (http://amahoney-amy.blogspot.com/), peace (http://yolanda-highergrounds.blogspot.com/), surrender (http://putyourfeetinthewater.blogspot.com/), transformation (http://lauraboggess.blogspot.com/), hope (http://lacedwithgrace.com/ & http://amylbrooke.blogspot.com/), and praise (http://lysaterkeurst.blogspot.com/ & http://aromaofjoy.blogspot.com/) of who God is and what He can do in our life. Did I say WHAT A BLESSING?!?!?
Ladies, we have a wonderful ministry here in these blogs. Never hesitate to write what God puts on your heart because it may just be the one thing that helps to bring hope when there is despair, encouragement when there is overload, comfort when there is pain, laughter when there is so much sadness. Thank you for blessing me last night and helping me to see that it is in faith and hope that I will see God's plan in this situation I am facing. And pray for me as we have to make a financial decision regarding our jobs and providing what is best for this big beautiful family. I have peace again. I just need to see clearly His will in this decision.
You are a Blessing! I hope to get to know more of you and I apologize that I couldn't visit everyone I know in blog world or list you here today...I'm out of time!!!
In His Graces~Pamela